Despite having been to more than a handful of lovely restaurants and cafés, having met throngs of wonderful people and being continually inspired by the beauty that is Norway, I felt down yesterday- really down. Thinking about my life and where I want to go overwhelms me most days- although I have managed to escape those thoughts since being here; yesterday they caught up to me in a major way.
The main theme being, I’m 25, why don’t I “know” yet. I know people who have known who they are and what they want since the day they graduated high school; and it bothered me to no end, seeing them getting it, while I laid in limbo, with a giant question mark hovering over my head.
I came on this trip with hopes of achieving some clarity, but I have been so busy meeting people and soaking in the lifestyle here, that I had completely forgotten about my life- if that makes any sense. Now, I didn’t come here with the intention of running from my life and the decisions that I felt bogged down with, but it was nice to not have thought about the deep stuff- if only for 2 weeks.
Yesterday, however, it all came rushing back to me; and I couldn’t shake the bad mood. That is until we went to the beach.
I am a water baby at heart, a Cancerian to the core- I love water, it calms me, I have been known to shower up to 3 times a day. Water helps me think, I find water washes away not only the days inevitable dirt, but also the extraneous thoughts and leaves behind only the good stuff- the positive.
Although it was unbearably cold, as soon as I stepped foot on the sand and heard the waves, I felt better- instantaneously. It dawned on me that I had been dreading the end of this trip; not only because I have to say goodbye to my cousin and her family, but because when I go home, I have to make decisions- tough ones. Life changing ones. And truthfully I was feeling frightened of making mistakes. I think every twenty-something feels this way at one point or another; but that doesn’t make it any easier. And I have a history of hasty decisions making.
But standing on the shore, listening to crashing waves, I felt confident about my choice- I didn’t feel scared anymore. I had been running from what I have known for some time now; but I'm tired of fighting. I know what I have to do and- most importantly- what I WANT to do; and instead of feeling scared, I feel free!
It’s going to be an adventure, but I- finally- feel ready.